Why God, why God do I gotta suffer?

Pain in my heart carry burdens full of struggle

Why God, why God do I gotta bleed?

Every stone thrown at you restin' at my feet

Why God, why God do I gotta suffer?

Earth is no more, why don't you burn this muhf-?

(I don't think I could find a way to make it on this earth)

Inspired by the Kendrick Lamar track FEAR, this is the first installment of GOD. The bridge from this track - performed by Charles Edward Sydney Isom Jr. - provide insight into the feelings of exhuastion, frustration, and fear I experienced as an adolescence with my faith.

As I matured, I began to question the legitimacy of my religious beliefs - perhaps influenced by my adolescent fear of God - and openly rejected my faith.

However, though I wouldn’t admit it, I continued to be faithful as I would find myself praying to God every night.

These feelings of reluctance are reflected in the lyrical content of “I’ll Be Faithful” by TV Girl.

Was it love or art
Or was it drugs or something?
Don't tell me every hole you cannot jump in
Add it up to nothing
It was water or wine whatever you paid for?
And you could spin right in my dream and I'd be grateful

But it
Doesn't matter what you do
I'll be faithful
I'll be faithful
I'll be faithful, oh yeah

Mmm, my Lord / I really want to see you / Really want to be with you / Really want to see you, Lord / But it takes so long…

After years of considering myself as an agnostic, even while I still prayed every night, I finally came to a different understanding of my faith entirely.

I begin to see the idea of “God” as a form of comfort instead of fear. But that was only until I removed the weight of His judgment from my shoulders. A judgment that has followed me since I was a child.

No Child should be afraid of their Father.